i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
