The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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