my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
