so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
