How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
