You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
