thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
