accomplished twins. life is a go
someone owes me an orgasm
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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