everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
