covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He passed out mid-signature
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
