no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
