Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
