Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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