Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
