It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
they're like a gay fantastic four
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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