He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
