piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
