I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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