I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
