...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I puked a lego.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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