i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You can't just leave with hair like that
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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