Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
