Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
