the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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