Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This is the high leading the old right now
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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