just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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