we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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