I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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