Got a toothbrush?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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