Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
