How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
