I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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