the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
