can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
