I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
