is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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