I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
