I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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