Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My life is pants optional.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
