i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
