yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
