saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
