After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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