Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think your dad took our porno
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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