why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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