I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
