If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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