so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize