I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
