Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
