I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
