Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
