I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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