R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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