The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
