shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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