We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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