What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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