The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
