closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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