if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
