new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you will always have a special place in my vag
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
