In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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