Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
