The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
