So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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