Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
