i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
