i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
