I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
