Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Green mimosas i think yes
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize