im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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