my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
